Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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