Umm I'm too high to move.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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