are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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