Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize