Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
