so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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