Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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