I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
