My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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