dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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