Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

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  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (98) Good night (32530) Bad night (1373)
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  (631): View more from New York

  woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.

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  (631): woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again. http://tfl.nu/84mk
  Replies (23) Good night (1135) Bad night (3910)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.

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  (251): i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night. http://tfl.nu/skue
  Replies (20) Good night (562) Bad night (3755)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

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  (765): Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom. http://tfl.nu/gaio
  Replies (32) Good night (3265) Bad night (5828)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.

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  (513): And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool. http://tfl.nu/hylh
  Replies (4) Good night (3920) Bad night (846)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.

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  (904): Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up. http://tfl.nu/3e3n
  Replies (12) Good night (4045) Bad night (1065)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

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  (905): ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care http://tfl.nu/hm11
  Replies (13) Good night (2928) Bad night (929)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.

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  (575): I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time. http://tfl.nu/x351
  Replies (6) Good night (2121) Bad night (934)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...

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  (402): Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways... http://tfl.nu/6fzc
  Replies (8) Good night (2013) Bad night (892)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.

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  (314): I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts. http://tfl.nu/af4a
  Replies (4) Good night (1337) Bad night (453)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.

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  (612): There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/g344
  Replies (12) Good night (785) Bad night (970)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.

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  (508): I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn. http://tfl.nu/62bv
  Replies (10) Good night (647) Bad night (1180)
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  (916): View more from California

  BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you

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  (916): BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you http://tfl.nu/atej
  Replies (1) Good night (935) Bad night (319)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge

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  (907): Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge http://tfl.nu/scnb
  Replies (2) Good night (683) Bad night (285)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?

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  (970): He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner? http://tfl.nu/fpx9
  Replies (3) Good night (803) Bad night (347)

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