We're facebook friends in real life
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.