FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were trust falling into bushes