I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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