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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.

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• (845): View more from New York

  oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  You need Xanax blowdarts

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (235): View more from

  Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO

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• (530): View more from California

  There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Why was I lying under a truck last night?

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