ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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