Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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