He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
