He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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