If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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