SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
