So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
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He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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