So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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