just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
