You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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