So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
