i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
