woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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