life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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