Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
