On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
