I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
