how can u be prego again
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
