He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
