my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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