kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
