Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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