In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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