I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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