She's JV to your varsity
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize