You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
