sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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