The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
me + whiskey = a bad person
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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