Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
