he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
