i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
