goodnight i made you a song goodbye
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
