I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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