When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS