Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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