Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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