why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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