I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
