This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just pee around me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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