i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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