Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
