that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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