my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
