I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
