Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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