I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
