I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
