my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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