You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
