So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
