You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sext me about skeletons
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
