I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
