A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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