just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
