Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm at about main and main street
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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