oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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