Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
