haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
