Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
