i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
