Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
