we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
