Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
