I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
