happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
