5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
