It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
