i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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