I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
4 words: hood of his car
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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